Ep 52: How Well Do You Know Your Emotions?

Ep 52

In this episode, Bridgette and Irvine explore our emotions and the invitation to get to know them better so we are enabled to have more powerful interactions.  


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SHOW NOTES

Don’t forget to check out Irvine’s You Tube channel with new videos every Wednesday on emotional intelligence, resilience, and leadership.

Check out Irvine’s new book Leadership Lessons From The Pub.

Check out Bridgette’s book which she co-authored with Bod Duggan  Resilient Leadership 2.0.

And as always, don’t forget about all the mind-blowing free resources some of which are mentioned in each episode. 

READ THE TRANSCRIPT

Irvine Nugent [00:00:03]:

Well, welcome everyone to the Resilient Leadership podcast where everything we talk about is aimed at helping you lead with a greater sense of calm, clarity, and conviction even in anxious times. My name is Irvine Nugent. And today, as always, I’m joined by my cohost and collaborator, Bridget Theurer. Bridget, How are you doing today?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:00:26]:

Well, Irvine, thank you for asking. As always, I’m doing well. You and I were just,

 

Irvine Nugent [00:00:32]:

Minute.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:00:32]:

I don’t know. Maybe complaining a little bit about winter because we we don’t like it, but, hey, it is what it is, and we are recording in January. So it’s cold And it’s gray, and that’s the way it is. So other than that, I have no complaints and I’m Oh, you know? Really looking forward to having this This great conversation. So why don’t you tee it up for our listeners a bit and give them a little sense of what we’re talking about?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:01:00]:

Absolutely. Today’s topic is called how well do you know your emotions? So emotions are an essential part of being human. I I think we ask people, you know, what is unique about being human? A lot of people would mention, well, we are emotional beings. And it’s an essential skill, I think, both to thrive and survive not only as a leader, but as a parent, as a partner, as a friend, as a human being. And this skill set of both recognizing our own emotions, recognizing other People’s Emotions and Really Managing Them in the Moment. And, you know, I I believe, and I think you believe as well, you know, leadership is many things. But I think at the core of leadership are daily conversations, and these conversations we have with people in fact, you wrote a book called Missing Conversations. And, really, those conversations are laced with emotions both at the beginning And at the end, now the other reality is we have grown up with a language about emotions.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:02:07]:

We’ve grown up in cultures and families, and they had their own attitudes about emotions. You know, some of us were told that emotions were bad or negative or some emotions were bad or negative, like anger or jealousy or something like that. Today, I think I want us to have an approach where we look at emotions as our friends.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:02:26]:

Mhmm.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:02:26]:

And we mentioned this in an earlier episode, they are conveyors of information, and they are messages knocking at the door wanting to be heard. So, Bridget, when you think about emotions and how you grew up with emotions and how they were dealt with, what comes to mind?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:02:46]:

Well, it’s such a great question. I think what comes to mind for me, Irvine, is that growing up, some emotions were more acceptable than others. And, of course, that was an implicit message. It’s not like my parents sat me down and said, now here are the emotions that are okay and here are the ones that are not. Network. Nevertheless sort of got those messages and as I look back, I think anger was an emotion that For me, at least, I was the only girl in the family of 4, so 3 brothers.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:03:19]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:03:19]:

They could be angry and my father could be angry, but, Apparently, I was not supposed to be. So I kinda grew up with this weird, I don’t know, relationship with anger. And then the other thing I remember is around feeling scared and vulnerable. I remember my mom was a very very much like a bucket up, like, you know, Just keep going. And when I on a few occasions, I remember being scared and vulnerable. She didn’t really acknowledge that. She kinda wanted me to move quickly through it. And to this day, I think I have still a little bit of a challenge around acknowledging my own Fears and vulnerabilities may maybe because that shaping is still there a little bit, although, yeah, I’ve been working on it.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:04:04]:

So Yeah. That’s what came up for me. Yeah. How about you?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:04:08]:

You know, it’s interesting. I can relate to that second one. I grew up, many people know, in in Northern Ireland in the midst of the troubles as we call them. You know, an emotion that was pretty much there. Everyone knew. Everyone had it. But, amazingly, it was unacceptable to really talk about was fear. That here we are in a situation of conflict and bombings, etcetera.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:04:30]:

So, of course, everyone was scared at times, and yet we never talked about it. It was we grin. We bear it. We we marched on. And I think that has been a legacy I carry, that that at times, you know, it has been tough for me to acknowledge fear and to express fear. So yeah. And it’s interesting, you know, When you think about, you know, our inheritance of the of of how we deal with emotions, and it it’s there, and it’s important, I think, just to Reflect Upon. In fact, I invite our listeners, you know, kind of what’s the message you receive around emotions?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:05:03]:

Oh, for sure. Because we always do. You know, as you said, it’s A part of our humanity, and our parents received messages from their parents about emotions and So there we go. And what we know is, you know, the brain the neuroplasticity of the brain is impressive. And so if we want to, We we can change our relationship and our behavior around certain emotions, although it takes a lot of practice to do that. You know? Alright. But I’m getting ahead of ourselves, I think, because let’s let’s Start with the basics around defining what an emotion is because, of course, everybody’s like, I wanna know what an emotion is, but How would you define it, Irvine, or what definition do you find most helpful?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:05:47]:

Yeah. You know, it’s such a great question because sometimes when I’m doing, like, training sessions. I was like, what is an emotion? Everyone like, I know what it is, but I can’t really explain it. So there’s one that I found out. It’s a little dense. I’m gonna warn people. But I love it because I think it’s really powerful, and it’s from a person called doctor Paul Ekman. And Paul Ekman really was the grandfather of research around emotions and and and really has advanced our knowledge of emotions.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:06:12]:

And he says an emotion is a process, A particular kind of automatic appraisal that’s influenced by our evolutionary and personal past in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and a set of physiological and psychological changes begin to deal with the situation. Oh. Oh, that’s long.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:06:36]:

Okay. Let me

 

Irvine Nugent [00:06:37]:

break that up a little bit because it really is so So first of all, it’s a process. Emotions what your emotions are not static. They are moving. That’s what I love about that. It’s a process, and it’s this automatic Appraisal. So we mentioned this before. We we we have what’s almost like this radar. We’re constantly on alert around us.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:06:55]:

So we are praising whether we know it or not. And most of the times, we are not aware that we are appraising every situation, and that’s influenced both by evolution and by our personal past. So So as human beings, they’ve the we’ve said this before, the impetus is always to survive. And so we’re scanning around, and our evolution has taught us what threats are and our own personal past. You know, we’ve experienced this growing up. Like, I I still think, you know, when I I mentioned Northern Ireland, when I when I hear a siren, You know, it triggers something within me. So it’s my personal messaging going on that, oh, it gets me triggered a little bit. So our our personal past, our evolutionary past, and we sense that something important to our welfare is accord occurring.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:07:37]:

Yeah. So emotions are about our welfare. It’s about helping us. It’s about responding. That’s why emotions are so essential in our humanity, their responses. And what they do is they trigger within us a psychological or a physiological response that helps us moves us, helps us deal with the situation. So when you think about it, you know, our heart starts beating. We prepare because sometimes we may have to fight or flee or, you know, we we need more information.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:08:07]:

So all of this, The the information is helping us prepare to respond. Mhmm. So I think, you know, Bridget, there’s a lot of important consequences coming from that definition, but a one emotion is and one emotion is not. What comes to mind for you?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:08:25]:

Well, I really gravitated towards the thing that you said about it is related to something important is happening regarding our welfare. Bank. So aren’t we glad we have emotions? Yep. It’s all about taking care of our welfare. But one thing that stands out to me is that emotions have Context. They they don’t just show up out of the blue for no reason. There’s a stimulus. There’s a trigger.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:08:50]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:08:50]:

And that stimulus can be An actual stimulus, it can be an imagined one. It can be something you relive, but there’s always some kind of a stimulus. So, like, an actual stimulus might be, like, after, you know, the holidays, maybe you were packing up your ornaments and putting them in the attic, and when you did, a mouse Crawled out and surprised you, you know, at least that’s would be my reaction.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:09:14]:

Oh, you mean to.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:09:15]:

And I would have fear. I would have an intense Automatic fear that, you know, hopefully, would would move through me pretty quickly. So that’s an actual stimulus. Sometimes, it’s an imagined Stimulus like, you know, we hear a noise in the middle of the night and we we we think it’s an intruder. And the emotion of fear again, and anxiety enters in, and we find out, oh, no. It was just a noise and you know? But The point is it was still a stimulus, and then it can be relived. And this is a lovely thing about emotions, right, is that they they have history And memory for us. So, you know, you’re driving by a restaurant and, suddenly, you smile and this warmth Enveloped you as you recall a surprise party that was had at the restaurant for a dear friend, and just the loveliness of it.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:10:07]:

You know? Yeah. So, so that’s kind of interesting to me. And then the the other thing is to, you know, really understand that emotions Have this automatic process that you said that’s organized and predictable, and we don’t have anything to do with it. It it just happens in our body. Right? Yep. And and it’s a physiological and a psychological process. So, like, it’s you may for a lot of people, they recently had end of the year performance evaluation conversations. If you were on beginning end or the receiving end, either way, you might have had some trepidation.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:10:45]:

So you go in a little bit maybe on edge, maybe, maybe not, and, and then your let’s say your boss says to you, well, I’ve got some unfortunate news to share with you. And before he says anything else, you’re in the grip of a powerful emotional response. Yeah. You know, your heart starts beating, your breath becomes shallow, maybe even your hands get a little clammy. Right? So emotions are triggered by events, by stimulus, and they are an automatic response That alerts us that, hey, something important is happening to your welfare.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:11:25]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:11:26]:

Alright. So so that’s what, you know, Stood out to me. What what else is important to say about emotions, Irvine?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:11:33]:

You know, one thing I’ll say as well is that emotions are very rapid. You know, really, the quickest emotion that we kind of know is surprise, not not surprising there. You know, you walk in, you go, And surprise. And that’s really about half a second, and the longest emotion is sadness. Not surprising as well because, you know, the sadness kind of lingers with us that even think about sadness, there’s a heaviness with you. However, sadness, the true emotion, is really only about about 4 seconds. Now what happens, of course, is the release of all these chemicals, and they linger in the body, and they linger a lot longer. So we we get the sense that the emotion is much longer than it actually really is.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:12:16]:

Now, you know, some people will say, you know, like, how are you doing today? I’ve just been angry all day. And you think about, you know, well, then you got wow. That’s a long emotion. And, really, what’s happening there When you think about it is that, really, it wasn’t that the emotion lasted all day. Rather, whatever made them angry, they keep thinking about it. And so they keep on triggering the anger. And so the impression is, hey. I I’ve been angry all day.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:12:40]:

But, really, I’ve been thinking about that initial stimulus, And every time I think about it, I just get I get angry again.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:12:47]:

Wow. And

 

Irvine Nugent [00:12:47]:

then, you know, that also then reminds us, I think we should distinguishing an, an emotion and a mood. Now I don’t know about you, but on January 2nd, I woke up. I just returned from vacation, And I was in a lousy mood, and I said and, you know, it’s and I think we can all relate. We’ve we’ve we’ve got a lethargic mood or this. And what’s the difference between a mood And, is that a an emotion? And it’s not. I think one of the things that distinguishes an emotion and a mood is that stimulus. In an emotion. There’s a very definite stimulus.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:13:22]:

We know exactly where it came from. Whereas a mood, it’s kinda like, oh, I don’t know. Is it this? It’s the others? Is it the lie? I just and it’s this general and it doesn’t really feel as intense as a an an emotion, and it lasts much longer. It can last over time. In fact, one of the researchers looking at, you know, on a mo on a mood that lasts, like, a significant length of time can almost become a personality trait as well, office. So Group. Really interesting.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:13:50]:

Have you gotten out of your lousy mood from January 7th?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:13:53]:

I have. It took me I I gotta confess now, it did not happen overnight. Probably took 3 or 4 days, and then I was like, oh, okay. Now now I’m ready. Now I’m ready. So, Bridget, we talked about, you know, this attitude of moving away from calling emotions good or bad, but rather, you know, embracing our emotional lives and befriending them. I’m curious, you know, any thoughts about how we might begin to befriend our emotions?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:14:25]:

Well, that’s such a good phrase. You know, befriend our emotions because I don’t think that’s what most of us were taught as youngster.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:14:32]:

You know?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:14:34]:

So I think it begins with, first of all, just acknowledging that emotions are part of our human experience. I noticed that when I ask my clients sometimes, what what is the emotion that is present? Sometimes they have a hard time acknowledging it. It’s obvious that there’s there’s emotion there, but they they wanna tamp it down or they want to or they tell me how they think, Not how they’re feeling. But then I think back to what you said about emotions being conveyors Of information about our welfare. That remembering that there’s a purpose to emotions. Right. And and so we wanna welcome them and be curious because they’re trying to tell us something. I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:15:20]:

Right? Alright. So let’s go through Some of the emotions we’re all familiar with and, like, what is the what’s the message?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:15:28]:

Mhmm. So

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:15:29]:

let’s start with anger because As I said earlier, that was one that I always sort of have had a, held at distance, you know. Mhmm. But anger is really almost always triggered By the desire to remove an obstacle that’s in our way, and particularly, when we are feeling violated around a value that we hold very dearly. So it’s intense. Right? A lot of times, anger is intense.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:15:54]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:15:54]:

And the intensity can get us into trouble, but the anger itself is simply there saying, Something is in your way and you might need to remove it. Right? Might.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:16:05]:

Yep.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:16:06]:

And then there’s Fear, we’ve kind of already talked about. So fear is there to say there might be something harmful in your midst and you might need to fight or flee. Happiness. What about happiness? What’s the message of happiness? You know? That’s, like, telling us that That there’s something very wonderful and pleasurable happening, and there’s a warmth to it. And it It’s really there to say, be here and engage with this, at this moment, you know, and then sadness. I found it fascinating when you were talking earlier, Irvine, about how long the actual emotion lasts and that Sadness is one of the longer ones. Did I hear that correctly? Yes. Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:16:49]:

And that makes sense. Sadness tells us What matters to us?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:16:55]:

Mhmm.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:16:55]:

It’s, it’s a feeling associated with loss of something or someone that we care about, And it prepares us to grieve.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:17:04]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:17:06]:

How about disgust? I just the other day, I heard myself saying, that’s disgusting. And I thought, well, that’s That’s intense. Yeah. But but, hey, discuss is there because it tells us that something Physically or morally offensive, right, is Yep. Is in our presence, and we’re getting prepared to withdraw from it. Yeah.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:17:28]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:17:29]:

And then you mentioned surprise, Irvine. And, you know, the message of surprise is is letting us know, hey, you weren’t expecting this. Meeting. Was not what you were predicting. Be alert. Right? Maybe it’s a good surprise. Maybe it’s a bad surprise.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:17:46]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:17:46]:

So all that is such great information. Why would we want to do anything other than, Welcome it and be curious about it. You know? So what do you think, Irvine? And tell and tell us a little bit about how you because this is one of the things that you’re really an expert in. How you use this kind of understanding of emotions to help your clients?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:18:09]:

Yeah. You know, I I love this aspect of really doubling down and exploring the message. You know, it’s interesting. One One of the things we haven’t mentioned so far, but it’s it’s you know, is that sometimes emotions are layered. So sometimes, you know, we we we don’t just experience, Oh, I’m in happiness, and now I’m moving to this, and I’m moving to that. So sometimes it’s it’s a blended emotion, and we’re feeling them together. And I think for sometimes for clients, Helping them unpack and get to the message that the the the real core emotion in the message can be very freeing. So for example, I’m recalling a client I was working with recently who, for the 2nd time, did not receive a promotion that they were sector.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:18:52]:

Mhmm. And the emotion that showed up or or or that they like, you know, and I said, well, you know, How does that impact you? What are you feeling? I’m angry, and and I’m resentful. You know? And I said, so so what and and the anger was pointed at person and that need kind of when we’ve explored that a little bit, they were able you know, when we talked about anger being an obstacle that needs to be removed, They believe they were focusing on this 1 person who they believed was the obstacle to that promotion. So that was very freeing for them. But then When whenever that had been respect kind of explored, one of the things then that came in was this underlying sadness. And I think very often in the workplace, sadness is an emotion that is not acknowledged. And I think, you know and I was almost he was comfortable saying he was sad. And he said, I just don’t know what I’m sad about.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:19:46]:

And I said, well, you know, the message of sadness is loss. So what if and then it was like it was almost like a light went off, and he said, yeah. There’s so much loss in this. There’s the loss of my hope. There’s the loss of the imagining of the what I was going to tell everyone and the excitement about the promotion. And so that That ability to kind of explore the loss just really enable them to understand, you know, the impact of what had happened and just to sit with it and, You know, spend some time and acknowledge the fact that the emotions were right, and they were okay to have, and they were able to release them in time.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:20:26]:

That’s a great example. I’m curious, Irvine, when he was exploring anger and and you helped him see that he was focusing on this 1 person who was the obstacle. School. But in that exploration, was he able to see, oh, well, maybe it’s really not all about that person? For Yeah. Yeah. Is it? Yeah.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:20:45]:

It was very you know, what was very interesting one of the things that happens with emotions, when we feel a tense emotion, The only data that we’re willing to receive when we’re in the midst of it is anything that confirms our thinking. So for him, the only you know, it kind of as we work through that, it was like, oh, yeah. The I’ve just been I’ve been fixated. The only thing that that I’m accepting is everything that confirms my bias here that this is the obstacle, this person’s the obstacle. And they said, you know, There’s a lot of things, and I think that it’s only possible at times when we’ve moved out of the emotion and we can look back. Team. It’s hard in the midst of the emotion. It’s it’s very skilled to be able to kind of, you know, say, well, what other data can but sometimes when we look back, We can really say, okay.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:21:33]:

I was only really accepting anything that confirmed what I thought was right.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:21:37]:

Interesting. But somehow, Well, you, I’m sure, listened and affirmed his emotion. You didn’t try to talk him out of it, and I think what you’re saying is that doesn’t work. Like, it doesn’t work Talk somebody out of an emotion or to talk yourself out of it. But if you can embrace it and befriend it, sometimes there is a movement there. Right? That allows you to go, oh, well yeah. Mhmm.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:21:59]:

Yeah. And I think, you know, the important thing is to receive the message, to sit with it, To understand it, you don’t have to accept the message. The message is there because what you’re doing is you’re you’re saying about the messages, you know, well, Well, is this is really confirming reality or not? You know, sometimes it’s like the sometimes we have emotions that are not accurate. We perceive something’s happening. We said at the beginning. And so, therefore, it’s it’s bringing more light into the situation and say, ah, okay. I was angry there. Yes.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:22:30]:

I wish my anger was justified, but, really, the focus of my anger might not have been.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:22:36]:

That’s excellent. Well, when I think about my clients, because now that you mentioned your client experience, It brought to mind a couple of things for me. I mean, one is, I think I often may be one of the few people in my client’s Orbit, at least professionally, that gives them permission to feel whatever they’re feeling, you know, without judgment.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:23:00]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:23:00]:

I don’t think other people are always so skilled at that. So I think it’s really helpful to our listeners to say, you know, the important people in your life, whether it’s Family members or or people on your team to give people permission to experience the emotions they have without having to talk them out of it is a huge gift. Yeah. I think the other thing is, Pravin, you mentioned that distinction a little bit ago about mood versus emotion And how moods are longer in in time and they’re more in the backdrop, I think that’s a distinction that can really be helpful. I remember one time I was Working with a client. And, you know, through the coaching, we sort of identified that he was in a mood of resentment.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:23:42]:

Mhmm.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:23:42]:

And he had a whole story around that resentment, But he was also interviewing for a new job. And I said, well, you’re interviewing, you know, do you think your resentment might be showing up? Oh, no. I don’t bring that into my interviews. And I said, okay. Well, what do you think you’ll need to let go of your resentment? And he said, when I get another job. Team. What if it’s the other way around?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:24:08]:

Mhmm. You know,

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:24:09]:

what if letting go of your resentment is gonna be the thing that helps you get the job? Yeah.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:24:14]:

Of that. Mhmm.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:24:16]:

Okay. So, gosh, we’ve we’ve already covered a lot of ground and I feel like I’ve I’ve learned something in this conversation about how important emotions are because they’re about our welfare, And they’re there to bring important messages to us, and our job is to befriend them and be curious about them. What can we do now, maybe, Irvine, to put this all together for our listeners in a actionable way?

 

Irvine Nugent [00:24:45]:

Yeah. You know, so the way I like to say it is, you know, there’s 4 steps. Sometimes we if we’re skilled, we can do this in the moment. Most of the time, it’s always a good exercise, especially when, say, we have gone through a situation where we wished we had responded differently. And it’s a great way to reflect on that situation and to learn because that really becoming more skilled in our emotions is really about shining light on experiences and learning from them. So the first one the first is notice. While we’ve talked about this in numerous episodes, it is amazing in the world and environment we live in, in this one of constant change and busyness that at times we forget to notice what’s happening in our Buddies. And so can we have more noticing changes in tension in our heart, in our breathing, in our body temperature? All of those, You know, emotions we’ve talked about are so quick that they show up in our body even before we’re consciously aware that we’re in the midst of that emotion.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:25:48]:

So it’s always nice like, what’s what’s happening? Oh, something’s happening. Oh, so notice notice, your environment. Notice your body. Notice other people you’re with. And then the second one is name. You know, the research is showing that we’re when we’re able to name an emotion, We are more able to manage that emotion and to deal with that emotion. In fact, one of the skill is really important for children And their education is that naming of an emotion. So are we able to name what is this emotion? And and if we’re just able to say, well, it’s just anger, that’s okay.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:26:23]:

And then are we able to say what intensity? And sometimes, you know, we have a word for them in Terrence. I’m furious. I’m livid. Or we don’t have a word for it. Well, it’s a level 9 or a level 10 anger. You know? So are we able to to name the intensity? The last part of that second one is accept the emotion. Mhmm. This is where it gets we get into trouble.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:26:43]:

It’s like, I shouldn’t be feeling that. I mean, I’ve I’ve heard this before. I shouldn’t be feeling this angry. No. Their anger is there. Accept it. Okay. I feel it.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:26:51]:

It’s it I’m not the anger. The anger is just there. And then the third one is a message. What’s the message that this emotion is saying to you about this present situation that you’re in?

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:27:03]:

Mhmm.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:27:04]:

And then finally is action. What’s the best action to take? Mhmm. I have a goal. What’s the goal of my conversation? What’s the goal of the situation? And how might I best respond. So it’s notice, name, message, and action.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:27:21]:

That’s good stuff. But like you said, that is hard to do in the moment. Right? Especially with An intense emotion.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:27:30]:

Yep.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:27:31]:

Because I think sometimes we feel like our emotions are gonna take us over and we’re like, oh, you know? Yeah. So I’m thinking, Irvine, that, you know, rather than giving people because we’re always in with the core practice and rather than giving people another practice, that is our core practice.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:27:46]:

Yeah. Absolutely. First

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:27:48]:

4 steps. And maybe though the practice is what you said, which is not trying to do that in the moment, but to pick A conversation or an instance maybe that you’ve had in the last month. Hey. It was the holidays. We’ve probably had them, where there was A little friction or maybe a conversation that didn’t go exactly how you planned, and there were some intense emotions experience. And to take that and then use those 4 steps to learn from it, you know. So I’m thinking of, I had a conversation on my birthday with a loved one and it didn’t go as planned. It got a little a little emotional, little intense, And I’m really curious about that.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:28:34]:

And I as I was listening to you, I’m like, I’m gonna use these steps. I’m gonna I’m gonna start with what what did I notice now I’m noticing in site. What did I notice was going on with me, inside of me, and with the other person? And can I name the emotion or emotions that I was feeling? And could I maybe take a shot at naming what the other person was feeling? And what was the message of those emotions? And then that last name, you know, the action. What action did I take And might there have been a different action? Yeah. I’m gonna use that. So thank you, Irvine.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:29:11]:

My Pleasure. Well, I really enjoyed this situation. I love talking about emotions, and we’ve explored, you know, how essential they are to our humanity. We’ve gone through a little definition, and from that, we’ve, highlighted, you know, emotions are a process. They correspond to Our background or personal experience reflects upon that. They move us to action, and they’re there really because something significant to our welfare is Present. And we’ve got gone through this 4 step process. So, hopefully, everyone is leaving this episode with a little more curiosity about their emotions, and hopefully, you can make some good friends.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:29:54]:

It’s a new year. Maybe 2024 will be the year of making friends with with some of your emotions. And, as always, we wanna thank you for listening. I was just looking at some of the listening charts this past week, and we hit the charts Norway and Cyprus. So if you’re listening from Norway at Cyprus, thanks for listening in, and we continue to be in the top 50 of the US podcast as well. And so So we just wanna thank you for your support. We’re thrilled of the many messages of support that we’ve got that, these conversations are meaningful for you. As always, if you have suggestions, please please reach out.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:30:29]:

We’re always open to suggestions. We want to be as relevant as possible for you. And, Brigid, thank you once again for another wonderful conversation.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:30:38]:

Thank you, Irvine. I learned something new I do every time And so appreciate it, and, look forward to our listeners joining us for next time. And our topic for next time, we’ve actually chosen, Which is the art and science of failing forward. So we look forward to that one as well.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:30:57]:

Yeah.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:30:58]:

Alright. Take care.

 

Irvine Nugent [00:30:59]:

Well, thank you everyone. Bye bye now.

 

Bridgette Theurer [00:31:02]:

Bye bye.

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